WHAT'S YOUR LIMBO / April 15, 2017

The “Chameleon” Profile

“A Chameleon looking into a mirror, sees a mirror.” – Unknown

Have you ever asked yourself who am I? When you asked yourself this were you able to actually admit that you have no idea? I mean in the literal sense, not even a metaphorical analogy. It’s time to face some hard truths myself included. In fact, I feel like I’ve re-typed this sentence at least six times because I don’t think I’ve ever admitted this to anyone who wasn’t close to me. For a nice portion of my teen years, I don’t think I could ever give you a clear concrete explanation for who I was as a person. Part of it was a normal process of growing up and coming into your own. But the other part was an ever growing inter-conflict related to the fear of not being accepted.

Sometimes I was the girl with an attitude that would curse you out in a second. Other times I was studious albeit nerd and well behaved Christian girl with a good head on her shoulders. But most of the time I didn’t know what I was doing because I was so occupied with what others would think in the moment. Growing up I wouldn’t dress how I wanted, I wouldn’t pursue certain interest I wanted, I wouldn’t even always tell the truth about aspects of my life. I created different “characters” or adapted ways to act and carry myself…until I got fed up. That’s the thing about constantly camouflaging who you are by wearing different masks. Eventually, you’re going to have to face what’s underneath and accept it. Keep reading for a breakdown of the “Chameleon” limbo.

SUMMARY:

The “Chameleon” is someone who hides behind a mask of their true self. You generally adapt your wants and needs to those around you because you lack confidence in yourself and your dreams. You’re afraid of judgment from those around you. Either way, you don’t seem to focus on what it is that YOU want for YOUR life. The chameleon needs to find the courage to embrace their goals whole heartedly and follow their path, regardless of what others think. You can’t limit yourself, your passion is a development within you and you continue to fight it you’ll never find true contentment.

SIGNS:

  • Whenever conversation calls for you to have an opinion you opt to agree with others around you.
  • You’re a follower even if you disagree with the situation at hand.
  • You don’t like to share your thoughts or feelings afraid of what those around you might think.
  • You bounce around different social circles, never truly committing or getting close to others.
  • You often make up stories or things about yourself.
  • Little white lies become full out tales.
  • You always try to be the right person, at the right place, at the right time.
  • You long for acceptance from everyone.
  • You say one thing in a certain situation and do the complete opposite in another.
  • You deal with the constant turmoil of what you like or want to do vs. what’s accepted.

CAUSES:

The main causes of this limbo all relate to a difficulty with self-acceptance.

1. Avoidance of the Ugly Truth

Insecurity is a lack of confidence in yourself. It’s easier not deal with the emotions that affect you or put your emotions on the back burner due to a fear of facing the truth about yourself and who you are. But doing that can be emotionally damaging to your psyche. Eventually, you’ll have to face yourself and that truth you hide from. Sometimes when avoiding your truth you overcompensate. Having false confidence can end up making you feel even more insecure about yourself. It’s one thing to fake confidence until you believe it. It’s another to fake confidence for the sake of appearances, while you still hold on to your insecurity. False confidence means a non-acceptance of self. Pretending to be something your not or being overly confident doesn’t come across genuine. And since it’s not genuine to who you are it can become emotionally draining. 

THE FIX:  As for confidence, you can fake it till you make it, but own who you are. Take the necessary steps to gain acceptance of you, and all that entails. Think about your biggest insecurity struggles and relate them to how they make you who you are as well as how they make you unique from everyone else and accept it. Take your ugly truth and make it beautiful by wearing it as a badge of honor. Don’t give into fear of your uniqueness. Easier said then done but when you learn to love yourself flaws and all, acceptance, confidence, and contentment will come naturally.

2. The Dark Side

The differing sides to ourselves are human nature. For instance, we all have a good and a bad side or even a public and hidden self. But some people’s hidden self can be a crippling clash of identity. You have to consider why this struggle is immobilizing. Imagine dealing with something SO OVERWHELMING you feel the need to hide it away. You’re not just hiding it from those around you but in a sense, you’re hidden from yourself because you’re not living to your true authenticity. This can lead to you living somewhat of a double life. There’s a number of reasons why some feel this is the only option. Some are more extreme than others. But I believe in a nutshell it comes down to either being socially or religiously unacceptable (which it could very well be). So in order to “blend in” you fight a never ending battle against it.

THE FIX: First admit your hidden struggle to yourself. It seems like a no-brainer, but it’s hard to admit to something that you feel necessary to hide. Especially when hiding it seems to have become a part of you. Now it’s time to face it! No matter what it is you’re dealing with the process of self-reflection and searching for answers is guaranteed in being true to who you are. During this time you’ll be trying to find the most healthy, positive, and thorough path towards removing your mask and living as your true self.

3. The Art of Posing

I’m sure you’ve heard the term “poser,” someone who acts in an affected manner in order to impress others. People who pose as whoever or whatever is relevant at the moment, deal with a whole other level of insecurity. An insecurity that is so deep you prioritize the opinions of others over your own thoughts, opinions, and ideas. You crave acceptance and want to belong so much that you’re willing to sacrifice your self-worth, beliefs, and personality. Your relationships or the circles your run with won’t be completely genuine because you weren’t and that’s really a lose, lose. Wouldn’t you rather have people deal with you for who you are instead of who you’re trying to be? Don’t get me wrong we all have friends or associates we interact with for certain reasons. Some friends are the type you party with while others are the type who like to just chill and hang out. But when you get to the point where you completely change who you are depending on who you’re with, it can be taxing.

THE FIX: Similar to hiding your truth, you have to gain acceptance of who you are. As well as let go of what people think of you and accept the fact that no matter how much you change or whatever you do people are always either going to love it or hate it…you can’t please everyone. Start expressing how you feel and what you believe to get rid of the mask that’s compliant and convenient. You are living your life for others instead of yourself. When you think about it, you only get one life to live…so why not live it for you. It’s not easy everyone one has an opinion. Some will get you others won’t but at least you’re being who you are!

It was a process for me to genuinely look in the mirror searching for who I am as a person. I was eighteen years old and hit an emotional break. I just needed a clean slate. I ended up cutting out my friends at the time and due to other personal reasons (save that story for another time) I ended up moving in with my grandma. I needed to get away and get out of my bubble or environment to deal with what I was feeling. When I reflect back on it I don’t think my approach to how I handled my situation was the best, but then again it was what was best for me then in that moment. What I do remember is overtime I looked in the mirror I slowly found pieces of myself.

It’s like when you’re used to wearing a bunch of makeup whenever you leave the house. You NEVER leave without your face on. But then one day while you’re getting ready to leave you completely wash your face off liking what you see accepting every blemish, mark, or feature that makes you who you are. And instead of applying that makeup you walk out completely make-up FREE, feeling refreshed. It’s truly exhilarating when you begin to own who you are and remove the mask that binds you. No longer are you someone who entirely changes who they are to adapt. Now, you can just be you allowing that to be the reason others are drawn to you instead.

So, are you a Chameleon? Make sure to comment and share! Let me know if you can relate to this limbo profile!

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