All Knowing Control Freak, LIFE ITINERARY, WHAT'S YOUR LIMBO / September 22, 2017

“The All Knowing Control Freak” Profile

“I’M NOT REALLY A CONTROL FREAK but…

CAN I SHOW YOU THE RIGHT WAY TO DO THAT?”

Have you ever met a person who HAS to do things THEIR way? What about someone who wants to be the ONLY ONE who knows how to do something? Now, is that someone you? I’ve experienced both facets of this in different ways. Take my Mom, for instance, she is the type of person that always likes to drive when we go somewhere. Or whenever she was off during summer break and would visit me, she’d rearrange my entire apartment. I’m talking to the point where after she leaves I literally couldn’t find anything! And usually, if I’m cleaning something, she’ll go behind my back and “fix” it. No shade Mom, I absolutely love you but you know it’s true. Even though it doesn’t dominate her personality, it just happens to be one of her quirks. A quirk that I’ve learned can be a bit hereditary (looks away in shame). You have to wonder, why do I feel if I’m wrong it’s the end of the world? Why do I always have to be right? It’s ok to like things done a certain way, but it should’ve over-dominate others.

Although I have occasionally had my “Know it All” outbursts, I can remember ever since I was a little girl struggling with this innate feeling of wanting to be the best at EVERYTHING. I had to get straight A’s. If I played a sport I had to be the best on the team. When I took dance I needed to make it to Senior company quicker than anyone else has before. Even though I wasn’t out in the open and in your face about it, it was always in my mind. Because I constantly challenged myself whenever I didn’t reach the expectations I put on myself, I felt like a complete failure.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with being driven and being a healthy competitor. But when you let drive consume you negatively, it’s a problem. It makes it hard for you to handle failure or accept being wrong. You get to the point where you have to ask yourself, why am I driving myself crazy trying to do all of this? Is it worth it? Keep reading for the breakdown of the “All Knowing Control Freak.”

SUMMARY:

The “All-Knowing Control Freak” is pretty cut and dry. You prefer things done according to your standard. It must be who, what, where, when, why, and how YOU feel is best. Sometimes this quality is needed; depending on the circumstance. However, the majority of the time it’s a hindrance towards forward movement, mainly because it’s off-putting to others. The know it all needs to adapt to the idea of collaboration and constructive criticism. These are the things that will help you become a better collaborator, as well as opening up your mind to various options. Both are a necessity for true success.

SIGNS:

  • You are your friends and family’s google.
  • You often give unwarranted advice or answer rhetorical questions with long speeches.
  • You LOVE being right, more so than the average person.
  • You have to have the last word.
  • You always have a counter-argument ready to go.
  • People celebrate or take genuine joy in you being wrong.
  • You either physically restrain yourself or shamelessly take joy in saying “I told you so.”
  • You are always nominated as the leader.
  • You don’t like working with others unless they listen to you.
  • You tend to judge others behavior as right or wrong.
  • You over plan because you think you’re a superhero who can do it all.
  • Even if you don’t know about a certain topic you’ll still have something to add-on and BS  your way through.
    You hate losing and become obsessive with being rejected.

CAUSES:

The main causes of this limbo all relate to a difficulty or struggle with stubbornness.

1. Admission Denial When you are stubborn you’re a bad listener who is determined not to change your attitude, thoughts, and opinions. You don’t like to accept when you’re wrong or admit to weaknesses. Whether it be a weakness in knowledge, skills, or behavior. If lightning strikes and you actually do admit to these things, in your mind it’s the end of the world. Or you “can’t recall” it ever happening in the first place. Usually being hard-headed does more harm than good. You could be making things worse for yourself. Be mindful that a stubborn mentality leaves no room for growth. Having humility and welcoming room to learn and grow only makes you better in retaining knowledge, gaining skill, and just an overall better person.

THE FIX:  Instead of letting your insecurity of your weakness overtake you where you choose to ignore it…face it. Admit and address your weakness. Addressing your weakness allows you to get specific and be real with yourself so you can tackle it head-on. Welcome the learning process of how you can get better. Put the work in so that it is no longer a weakness but something you continue to strive to overcome. Set goals, seek advice, be patient in progress, and seek small victories and they’ll eventually become bigger. This is a way you can tackle your stubbornness as well because you’re not necessarily admitting defeat, you’re admitting to needing help which doesn’t make you weak…it makes your strong and capable.

 

 

2. Shameless “Fixing”Do you find yourself constantly correcting someone. Are they actually wrong or do they not fit what you believe to be right. You “correct” others regardless of how they feel and believe it is your moral obligation to do so. It can range from correcting someone’s grammar; to being offended and angry when someone declines your help or makes a decision without your suggestion. The idea of being sought after or having others depend solely on you for guidance or knowledge is something you genuinely love. This stems from a selfish want to help people change in a way you approve because you doubt their capability. You can dish it out but you can’t actually take criticism you spew.  It also could be seen as a way to deflect from personal internal insecurities. So it may be time to face them.

THE FIX: You’ve heard the phrase think before you speak, right. Well, in this case, count to ten before you speak. In that moment during those ten “Mississippi’s” evaluate if your response is even necessary. This allows you to realize how much of a habit it is for you to “correct” and sometimes offend others. Work on your delivery, do you want people to come to you because you genuinely want to help and give them guidance or do you enjoy feeling as though you know everything. When you truly care you want what’s best for the person, not what YOU think is best. And that is a hard reality to accept when you feel that your way or opinion is the best option. You WON’T always be right there are times where you will lose and you will be wrong about something. STOP seeking it for the attention and judging others. START compromising and taking time out to see others points of view. Don’t dish it if you can’t take it, you have to learn to take others opinions of you, especially if you continue to voice your opinions of others (just a hard dose of tough love).

 

3. Striving for Perfection Being a perfectionist is similar to being a “fixer.” You often take over situations and voice your opinion whether people turn to you or not. You hate delegating, so you micromanage situations to fit your personal expectations. Everything will be perfect, but only with your involvement. After doing a little soul-searching you should realize the cause of this behavior in your life. Typically, the root of this may be due to the simple fact that you are afraid and low-key feel threatened at the possibility of failing. Especially when it isn’t your fault. When you do this you’re putting pressure on yourself to be something that’s not realistic.

THE FIX: Let go of striving for perfection and start focusing on doing your best. As Queen Bey said, “perfection is the disease of a nation.” Society paints perfection as the ultimate goal, but it doesn’t exist. Work your ass off and give it your absolute best that is all you can do. If something is meant to be it will be. Also, Learn the importance of collaboration. You only represent a single point of view. Working with others allows different views that can help in going about a certain situation and taking the best approach. Believe your the best but don’t alienate others in the process. Failing is vital to succeeding because you learn from it so you can do better next time. Nobody is perfect, and it is our imperfections that make us great not aiming for perfection. As long as you go above and beyond you should strive for knowing you did your absolute best!

On one hand, that mentality of perfection followed me through my teens. It took losing some battles and dealing with growing pains to realize….I can’t do everything. Either that or I’m a little crazy…probably both.  On the other hand, nobody likes a Know it All. Life is about learning and growing, yes you can be the best at what you do. But there is always room to grow and collaborate with a healthy drive to do the best you can do and be the best you can be. Face your weaknesses, broaden your mindset, release the overwhelming self-pressure, and accept the L(oss) for perfection and move forward.

So, are you an “All-Knowing Control Freak?” Make sure to comment and share! Let me know if you can relate to this limbo profile!

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